I'm blogging after months. More than Three, I suppose. A lot has changed in these three-four months, right from Me to Everything around me. I'm in a different city, a different stage of life and a different state and of mind. I've tried smoking, hookah and even weed in these past months. My ideas about everything have changed drastically. I've stopped posting on Facebook and I've slipped out of the conventional modes of friendships. I no longer 'make sure I fit in' in Groups and Gangs. I've learnt to find solace in company as much as I always found in solitude and I've learnt to find satisfaction in being loved rather than popular.
A lot has been achieved in the last few months- a small award, a little recognition, a different spirituality, newer friendships, newer knowledge and abundant love. But there's two particular incidents that stand apart, and will stay with me for as long as possible. Simple sentences with the most incredible recall value.
About a month ago, the Mumbai University was hosting it's Youth Festival and I had made it a point to attend the Dramatics finals. It was after months that I was meeting friends like Chandralekha and Jay, who are all busy in their own paths of progress. On the second day of the visit, as I was bidding goodbye to Jay, he said "Kalpak, iss baar bohot achha change dekha tere mein Bachhi. This is good, aise hi reh."
I had not made a conscious effort of any kind. I was being myself as I always am. And yet, this sentence that I replied with just a smile, brought along a very warm feeling with it.
The second was a week ago. I had met up with another friend from Mumbai, Shaunak (who contrastingly I keep meeting all the time) in Pune. In the flow of a very general conversation Shaunak mentioned how great it was that despite not hanging out all the time now we still managed to have the same connect whenever we meet up. It was a passing comment that I soon forgot. But a couple of days later, that comment came back to me and I had that same feeling of warmth.
Both Jay and Shaunak are smashing human beings that I've always looked up too. Above everything they are nice and genuine people and many a times, I find myself trying to be more and more like them. In this changed life, I've adopted newer social principles than I had about 6 months ago. I've made sure that my social agenda is not 'making friends' but 'being friendly'. For a while, evolving has become my main propaganda. But in the ever-changing environment I find around me, I sometimes end up questioning these conscious decisions. What if I find myself lonely one day? Sure, today I feel included with whoever I hang out with but what if one day I go on to feeling excluded everywhere?
But it's small events like these that tell me I'm on the right path. That making friends comes naturally to me, learning is what I need to have my focus on. I'm here for three full years and I need to evolve as much as I can. The rest comes hand in hand.
